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Calvin Asks: Help! I'm fighting a losing battle.



I’m a mum of two girls age 7 and 9 and I’m trying hard to get and keep them interested in the sciences and engineering (my husband is an engineer) and yet I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle.  No matter how many times I ask my own family and in-laws not to buy the girls stereotypical ‘girly’ presents they always do.


Both mine and my husband’s family are very traditional when it comes to family roles, the man of the house is the breadwinner and the wife keeps house and brings up the children. My mother is very disapproving of the fact that I work and is constantly making veiled comments that I’m failing as a mother because I’m not caring for my husband and children 24 hours a day.


I told my family from the start that I wanted my girls to have choices and options as they grew up and have ambitions over and above ‘find a boyfriend, get married and have kids’.  My mother and mother in law however, both insist that the girls should be ‘trained’ for a future as a wife and mother and any thoughts of a career should come second, especially a career in engineering or science.  


My husband is a member of the IET so I’ve seen lots of literature and information about encouraging girls into STEM subjects but most of it is targeted at parents and teachers. How can we change the attitudes of grandparents and other family members though?


Losing the battle - Yeovil

 
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Parents
  • You won't change the opinions and mindset of in laws and parents, so stop fighting it.  As others have said, keep it balanced by encouraging interest in STEM and the like, but keep an open mind since your daughters may still decide that they want to be a wife, mother and homemaker, and there is nothing wrong in that.  Life should be all about them being able to make an informed choice.

    Like DrMoss, I played with dolls (had a lovely Tiny Tears!) and Lego. I learnt to cook and clean a house, but played with toy cars, too. I also learnt to look after children and babies by babysitting for my older sisters. At 16, I left school to be a Trainee Draughtsman (or Draughtsperson, as the advert insisted) since I enjoyed technical drawing at school. I went on to attain an HNC in Mechanical Engineering and, later in life, a degree in Manufacturing Systems Engineering. I'm 48 now, a wife (28 years last week), mother (of sorts, to two dogs!) and a drawing office supervisor in a fabrication company. In my humble opinion, it's more about opening up the choices and letting children choose their path.

    In short, keep interests wide, let your daughters know they can try anything and that you'll love and be proud of them, whatever their choice of career path.
Reply
  • You won't change the opinions and mindset of in laws and parents, so stop fighting it.  As others have said, keep it balanced by encouraging interest in STEM and the like, but keep an open mind since your daughters may still decide that they want to be a wife, mother and homemaker, and there is nothing wrong in that.  Life should be all about them being able to make an informed choice.

    Like DrMoss, I played with dolls (had a lovely Tiny Tears!) and Lego. I learnt to cook and clean a house, but played with toy cars, too. I also learnt to look after children and babies by babysitting for my older sisters. At 16, I left school to be a Trainee Draughtsman (or Draughtsperson, as the advert insisted) since I enjoyed technical drawing at school. I went on to attain an HNC in Mechanical Engineering and, later in life, a degree in Manufacturing Systems Engineering. I'm 48 now, a wife (28 years last week), mother (of sorts, to two dogs!) and a drawing office supervisor in a fabrication company. In my humble opinion, it's more about opening up the choices and letting children choose their path.

    In short, keep interests wide, let your daughters know they can try anything and that you'll love and be proud of them, whatever their choice of career path.
Children
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