From my experience as a past line manager, I would strongly advise that, provided your manager has an ounce of empathy, I would always suggest quietly discussing this with them. Too often issues only get exposed when an explosion happens, or one party leaves the company. 

Very often you'll find that actually the line manager was already unhappy with this person's behaviour for many other reasons (although don't expect them to give you details - expect them to treat other people's issues with the same confidentiality that you would expect applied to yours).

Following Roy's question, as a line manager I regularly had occasion to remind members of my team that they didn't have to like each other, they didn't have to want to go to the pub together, but they did have to work together and treat each other with respect in their work. (And quite honestly, in our case those that weren't able to treat others with respect didn't remain in the company (right up to senior management level) - but this is dependant on a strong company culture that this behaviour is unacceptable. Fortunately that is becoming far more common in the UK.)

So do expect your line manager to suggest a meeting (facilitated or not) between yourself and the other person to try to resolve these issues. You may not feel comfortable with this, in which case feel free to say so - although it will make the situation harder to resolve. If you haven't had assertiveness training (or think a refresher would help) you could, as an alternative to a meeting, ask if the company would support you doing the training to develop your skills in confronting this person appropriately and effectively. Line managers always like staff who come to them with potential solutions as well as problems! If there is no change in the behaviour do keep reminding the manager. If they have “had a word with them” (and you won't necessarily know whether they have or haven't) and it had no effect, the manager needs to know this.

One bit of advice I heard, and have seen work very well, was that if these comments are made in a meeting situation you can call them out as “we have a lot to do in this meeting, we are all busy people, and I don't see that that comment is very helpful. Now, to move on…”

And regarding “it's just a joke” - if you are making comments aimed at making your colleagues look small, stupid and worthless then you are a bully, not a joker. And bullies know how to use the workplace to their advantage, where the person on the receiving end cannot walk away from them - a tell-tale sign is when the bully follows up with “she (or he) doesn't mind” trusting that the receiver will not want to create a scene by saying “actually I do mind, and have minded for the last x years, would you please stop saying that”. (Incidentally, quite often, although probably not in this case, the bully doesn't even realise they are a bully - it's the way they were treated, so it's the way they treat others.)

Really good issue to raise.

Thanks, Andy

From my experience as a past line manager, I would strongly advise that, provided your manager has an ounce of empathy, I would always suggest quietly discussing this with them. Too often issues only get exposed when an explosion happens, or one party leaves the company. 

Very often you'll find that actually the line manager was already unhappy with this person's behaviour for many other reasons (although don't expect them to give you details - expect them to treat other people's issues with the same confidentiality that you would expect applied to yours).

Following Roy's question, as a line manager I regularly had occasion to remind members of my team that they didn't have to like each other, they didn't have to want to go to the pub together, but they did have to work together and treat each other with respect in their work. (And quite honestly, in our case those that weren't able to treat others with respect didn't remain in the company (right up to senior management level) - but this is dependant on a strong company culture that this behaviour is unacceptable. Fortunately that is becoming far more common in the UK.)

So do expect your line manager to suggest a meeting (facilitated or not) between yourself and the other person to try to resolve these issues. You may not feel comfortable with this, in which case feel free to say so - although it will make the situation harder to resolve. If you haven't had assertiveness training (or think a refresher would help) you could, as an alternative to a meeting, ask if the company would support you doing the training to develop your skills in confronting this person appropriately and effectively. Line managers always like staff who come to them with potential solutions as well as problems! If there is no change in the behaviour do keep reminding the manager. If they have “had a word with them” (and you won't necessarily know whether they have or haven't) and it had no effect, the manager needs to know this.

One bit of advice I heard, and have seen work very well, was that if these comments are made in a meeting situation you can call them out as “we have a lot to do in this meeting, we are all busy people, and I don't see that that comment is very helpful. Now, to move on…”

And regarding “it's just a joke” - if you are making comments aimed at making your colleagues look small, stupid and worthless then you are a bully, not a joker. And bullies know how to use the workplace to their advantage, where the person on the receiving end cannot walk away from them - a tell-tale sign is when the bully follows up with “she (or he) doesn't mind” trusting that the receiver will not want to create a scene by saying “actually I do mind, and have minded for the last x years, would you please stop saying that”. (Incidentally, quite often, although probably not in this case, the bully doesn't even realise they are a bully - it's the way they were treated, so it's the way they treat others.)

Really good issue to raise.

Thanks, Andy